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Widowhood-How To Cope When You Have Lost Your Mate
Widowhood-How To Cope When You Have Lost Your Mate
Widowhood is a scary place for women to find themselves. Especially if there has been many years of marriage or commitment between the couple. New widows have a serious adjustment period that may take the help and care from loving family and friends. Three main aspects of widowhood that can be extremely stressful include loneliness, rebuilding and financial matters. Women that have lost their mate may have a very difficult time adjusting and adapting when it comes to these three areas.
This article discusses these aspects of widowhood to help make the transition as smooth as can be expected during this time.
Loneliness may be the most painful part of widowhood. Andre Gide wrote, "I have lost the witness to my life." This statement sums up the loneliness that widows may feel after the death of their spouse. Jane Woods Shoemaker, the author of Going On.. A Pathway Through Sorrow states that widowhood is more than feeling lonely, or missing a mate. It is a constant feeling of aloneness. She states that this feeling occurs no matter how attentive family and friends are. It is a feeling that penetrates the soul. How can one combat the deep feelings of loneliness. Shoemaker gives her readers some helpful tips.
- Identify what time of day you feel the most lonely. Schedule activities for that time. The activity does not have to be enjoyable but it certainly can be. Whether you go see a movie or do housework, scheduling your most busy work during this time can be helpful.
- Try to avoid the rituals you may have shared with your mate. If you enjoyed coffee and the paper in the morning, try having coffee in the living room while watching t.v. Breaking out of your comfort routines can help avoid severe attacks of loneliness.
- Do not spend special anniversaries or dates with family and friends. These days will most likely be the hardest. Spending them with other loved ones can ease the pain.
Financial concerns may be very difficult for women who did not usually assume this role in their marriage. After a death occurs there are many financial decisions that need to be made quickly. Friends and family may offer valuable advice but getting professional help at this time is important. Estate planning can help get your financial affairs in order. You may also contact the Social Security Administration, your life insurance company and health insurance company for more help in financial matters. Be sure to locate your business papers, legal documents and tax returns and give them to your financial planner or someone you trust. It is important to get financial affairs in order as soon as possible so that you know what income level you now fall into. Benefits and public assistance programs may be available to assist you if your income level has dropped.
How do you begin to rebuild your life after the loss of a spouse? If some time has passed, no doubt you are beginning to build your own routines and habits that reflect your new situation. Although the pain is still there and you may wonder how you can go on, you are making it one day at a time. Be sure to stay busy and focused on the things that matter most to you. Children, work, volunteering and church are good ways to begin to rebuild a life that does not include your spouse. If there is something you always wanted to do now is the time. Learn and try new things, go back to school or learn a new skill. In time, your life will begin to feel like your own again and memories of your spouse will fill your heart with gladness.
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